Farewell Letters
by skyorganasolo
Summary: Varric wished the never had to deliever these blasted letters. That Hawke wasn't stuck in the fade mostly likely dead. Varric didn't want this duty but he was still going to honor Hawke's request and they all had the right to know what (letters Hawke wrote to his friends/family in cased he died)
1. Prologue

Varric replayed the last conversation he had with Hawke before going to Adamant.

 _"Hey, Varric, can you take these letters?" Hawke asked, more subdue then usually meaning this was really serious._

 _"Who are they for Hawke?" Varric asked, voice having a nervous quiver to it._

 _"For everyone"Hawke looking away from Varric, "just in case something happens."_

 _"What do mean if something happens?" Varric said sharper than he intended. He did not like the why Hawke was thinking. "Nothing bad is going to happen."_

 _Hawke smiled sadly, "You never know; what if something does happen" Hawke ran his hand through his hair, "I want-ugh-I don't know-I just want a way to say goodbye to everyone even if I can't, you know."_

 _While Varric could sort of see where Hawke was coming from, he just did not want to think about it. "Nothing bad is going to happen, James" The way Hawke's eyes widen about at his first name meant he knew Varric meant business. "Nobody is going to die is that clear."_

 _"Cystral!"_

 _"Good!"_

 _There was silence for a couple of minutes._

 _"But you will still take them" Hawke finally said, giving Varric his blasted puppy-dog eyes, holding out the bundle of letters. How could Varric say no to them; it really was unfair._

 _"Fine!" Varric ripped the letters from Hawke's hands "But just know that they will not be need." Varric glared at Hawke, while he just gave him that stupid smirk that he always did._

Oh how, Varric wished he was right that not bad did happen. That he didn't have to deliver this blasted letters. That Hawke wasn't stuck in the fade mostly likely dead. Varric didn't want this duty but he was still going to honor Hawke's request and they did have the right to know.

 **AN: So this story is based on my headcanon that Hawke gave Varric letters in case he died to be given to their friends. This chapter is pretty much just to set it up but the other chapters are basically going to just be the letters that Hawke sent them. The first one is already finished; it's his letter to Bethany. This is my first Dragon Age fanfic so I'm a bit nervous. Just let me know what you think. Please review.**


	2. Dear Bethany

**AN: There is mentions of Bethany/Sebastian but they aren't together and it could be read as happening in the future or not; its up to you. Also, there is Merrillhawke mentioned.**

Beth,

I hope you never get this letter because it means I'm dead (and yeah, sorry for being blunt but there is no other way to say it, don't give me that look). This is not starting out the way i hoped. Let's really hope you don't read it now. But else let's hope you don't because you don't need to lose anyone else. You shouldn't have too; you've alright lost so much. And I'm sorry.

I just want to know that I love you and you have always been my best friend. The person I trust the most. You have always been there for me and I could never ask for a better sister. You're the kindest person I know. And I love you. I can't say that enough.

Also, I want to say sorry for everything. For letting Carver die. Yes, I know it's not my fault but there had to be a way to stop him. A way where he didn't die. I could have saved him. For taking you to the Deep Roads. For being the reason you became a Grey Warden. I'm really sorry for that. I know it's not what you wanted. It's not what I wanted either. I just didn't want to lose you to the Templars-not that it made a difference anyway. I still lost you. But I just want to let you know I really was doing it to keep you safe and I'm sorry that it destroyed your life. I wish there was a way I could change it. I love you and I'm sorry. For Mother dying. I could have been faster. Realized what was going on sooner. I could have saved her. For dying. You always told me not to be so reckless but you know me what haven't I. I never wanted to leave you. Alone. I'm so sorry for this. I'm sorry. I love you. I wish you don't get this. I'm sorry. Sorry for all the negative, sorry for all the sorrys (alright I'll stop).

On a more positive note, though not too positive because I'm dead (sorry). Try to find some happiness. Please. It's not the end of the world. I know I said you're alone now but you really not. Aveline would look at for you like she always does for all of else really. Don't know where we'll be without her (don't tell her I said that). And you know Varric would watch all of our backs like he always does because it's Varric and he takes care of his friends. Isabela may act like she doesn't care but she does but just don't listen to anything she says about sex or brothels. I know it's going to be hard for Merril, just as hard as it would be for you. Please look out for her. Let her know that I love her and always will. Please. Also, I'm sure Sebastian would help you if you asked or wanted it (plus maybe it could became more; don't give me that look; I know you like him; also don't make the excuse of why it can't work because you're a Grey Warden; you deserve to be happy no matter how long it is; also it's not like you would be the only Grey Warden to find love anyway; the Hero of Ferelden and Alistair ring a bell; just give it a chance; I want you to be happy). Also, let's not forget any of the friends you made in the Wardens. I'm sure they would be more than happy to help you. Just find comfort. And know that you're not alone. Just have courage and be kind like you always do.

I love you, sis. You're the best sister I ever had (yes, I know you're the only one I have) and couldn't ask for a better sister. I love you and I'm so sorry. Be strong like I know you are. And stay the kind-hearted person you always have been through everything. I love you.

Your loving brother, _James_


	3. Dear Merrill

**AN: So my Hawke romanced Merrill so MerrillHawke. Next letter: Aveline**

Dais,

I hope to the Maker and the Creators you don't ever receive this. I hope that you never have to read this.I'm so sorry. I'm not coming back like I promised. I'm sorry. I'm, oh Mer, I'm dead. I'm so sorry.

I want you to know that I love you. I love you more than I loved anyone. I love everything about you. The emerald green of you eyes. The way the sparkle with happiness. And your smile could light the world. And would do anything to see that smile one more time. I love you so much, Dais. I love your sweet, sweet voice. I love you. There is no flower more beautiful than you, though daisies are a close are the light of my life and I will love you always. You will always be in my heart. I love you forever and always.

I'm sorry. This was never part of the plan. Well, it's not like anyone plans to die. But you know what I mean. But yeah, this was not what I wanted in anyway. I wish we could have made a family with children and all if you wanted. It would have been nice. And lovely. And I wanted it so much. And I'm sorry it could never happened now. I wished we had more time. To be together. To grow old. To have more adventures in this adventure of life. I just wish it didn't end this way.

You already have too much to suffer from. I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry for adding on to that. For causing the same pain as Marethari did. The same pain of losing both Tamlen and Alana in one blow. The pain you felt losing your clan-being forced to leave them. I'm so sorry. I never wanted that. I would give anything to make it not so. To take it all back. To make it so you wouldn't have to suffer. I'm sorry for all the pain I'm causing you. I never wanted that. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry.

Mer, I will always love you. But please don't let my death consume you. Please. It's not the end of the world even though it will feel like it is. I know I will feel that way if you died. But please live. Find happiness. With someone else or not. Just be happy. I love you and all I want is for you to be happy. I just want you to be happy. That's all I ask. Merrill, I love you and always remember that but don't be afraid to find love with someone else. Just be happy. Stay strong.

Look after Beth would you. You, two, are going to need each other. She's your sister as much as she is mine. Isabela and Aveline would help, too. They'll look out for you. And Varric too. Just know you're not alone. You've got friends who are your family. They'll be there for you in any way you need. I know you're going to need all the support you can get. They are there for you.

I love you Merrill. I will always will. You are my heart. The light of my life. I love you. Be happy. Stay strong. You will always be in my heart wherever I go. I love you.

Your Heart,

 _James_


	4. Dear Aveline

Aveline,

I'm dead. I don't know how else to put it but I'm dead. Kicked the bucket. Not coming back. Ever. And yeah, I should have listened to you and been less reckless but where's the fun in that. Look, I'm sorry for what's it worth. But yeah, I'm dead. Sorry, Ave.

Ok, I don't know how to say this but I do want to you to know that you were like a big sister to me. You were always looking out for me ever since we meet. Trying to make sure I didn't get in too much trouble. Not like that worked. And I know we didn't always see eye to eye and I didn't always listen to your well sounded advice that I really should have followed. You always were there; looking out for me. And I'm thankfully for that. And I guess, I do love you. But like not like that. You are my big sis. And I'm grateful for that. I'm glad I met you. Thanks for always looking out for me. And for everything.

And can I ask you something? Please look at for Bethany and Merrill. Please keep them safe. Also, thanks for getting Bethany out to safety when this whole mess began. But can you make sure she doesn't do anything crazy. That she doesn't completely destroy herself in grief. Please make it know that she does have people that care. Let her know that she isn't alone. And, please, keep Merrill safe. Don't let her end it or anything. Don't let her become lost in her grief. Please. Let her know that I do love her but don't let her blame herself. Help her through this. Maybe share about you and Wesley. But only if you want. It might help. Just watch over both of them. And everyone like you always do. Varric going to need help. It's going to be hard on him too. Thank you, Aveline.

And Ave, I know I'm asking you a lot but don't forget about yourself. They're there for you too. Let them help. If not them, then let Donnic help. Don't just rely on yourself or take all the burden. You do that to much. Just look out for yourself and know there are people there for you. Just be safe.

Look, Aveline, I'm sorry I'm dead. And I love you like a brother. You're the big sister I never had. Thanks for always having my back. Thank you for looking after Bethany and Merrill when I'm gone. Thanks for looking after Varric and everyone. Don't forget to ask for help. Let Donnic help you, he is your husband after all. I'm glad I know you and that you are my friend. Thanks, Aveline, my big sister that I needed.

- _James Hawke_

 **AN: Thanks for reading, please review. Next chapter: Either Isabela or Anders**


	5. Dear Anders

And,

I'm sorry but I'm dead. I know you don't want to hear that but I'm sorry.

I hope you're safe wherever you are. That nothing bad happens. Just say safe. If you ever need help, let Varric know. Try not to this take you down. Please be strong. There are people who would help; just avoid Sebastian. He's not ever going to forgive and I really don't blame him.

And I understand the whole Chantry thing, you know. I may not agree with your method but I know you were desperate and something really needed to be done. Don't ever stop fighting for Mage freedom. Because that is a worthy cause. And you and all mages deserve freedom. You know I will always support that. And that I always did. Just don't blow up any more Chantry's, ok? Be safe and help those you can.

Also, I want you to know that I care about you. That I always considered you're my friend. That you are part of my family. I love you like your my brother or cousin or something. I want you to know that you are cared for and there are people who do love you. I want you to be safe, And, you're my friend. And, take care and be safe. Know that you've got support.

Also, And, I want take you for being able to save Bethany in the Deep Roads. She would have died if you didn't get us to those Grey Wardens. I will be forever grateful for that. I don't know what I would have done if she died. Thank you for that.

And, take care. Find happiness. I'm sorry. Love you. I'm glad to call you my friend and keep up the good fight.

Your friend,

 _James_

 **AN: Thanks for reading and please review. Next: Isabela or Sebastian**


	6. Dear Isabela

Bela,

I'm dead. Kicked the bucket. And all that. And no this is not a joke. Like I'm really dead. In the way of not coming back. Sucks to be me, right.

I know you're not into the mushy lovey dovey stuff so this would be short. You're my family. Because who doesn't want a pirate in their family. No seriously who does? Just want you to know that care for you and all. So yeah.

You'll look out for Merrill, right? Of course you would. She going to need you. You're her best friend, you know. Help her through this. Keep her safe. Don't let her lose herself in her grief. I know you'll do right by her. Just watch out for her. Let her know I love her and all that. Let her know that she can be happy again. Without me. That is not the end of the world. Just keep her safe for me and comfort her. I just want her to be happy.

I am sorry for dying and everything, you know. It wasn't part of the plan. I really should make better plans or not be so noble. Alas, that is my curse. I can't help but try to save everyone. And you hate that I made you care. That I made you want to do that. But I'm glad you do care. At least for some people. Because it's good to have friends and people you can trust. I'm glad you came back that one time. Even though that was annoying. I'm glad you do come back. Life would be boring without you around.

So, Bela, this is goodbye. Look out for Merrill for me. And I'm glad to have a pirate in the family, every family needs one of those. Otherwise, it would just be boring. Take care, Bela.

Bye,

 _James_

 **AN: Thanks for reading; please review. Next: Sebastian**


	7. Dear Sebastian

Bast,

I'm sorry but I'm dead. I just want to let you know. I'm sorry.

Also, I want to say sorry for what happened with Anders. I know we agreed not to talk about it anymore. But I do want to explain. I don't blame you for leaving after everything. I would too if I was in your position. So I don't blame. I know I already told you that. I just want to let you know again. Honestly, I felt it would be better for Anders to make up for what he did by fighting with us. For him to see the consequences. Also, Merrill suggested it. And she did make a good point. And I really can't say no to her. Plus, I wanted him to make up for it; to try to fix the mess he made. Though I do agree with his points, I don't agree with his actions or blowing up the Chantry. I'm not asking you to forgive him because I don't blame you for that. I'm just sorry it meant you left; that's my only regret about that. And I'm sorry for it.

I know we have are differences but you still family. I don't really know what to say but I do care about you. And I admire your faith and you have inspired me to be more faithful; well, to the major points of the chant about caring for the poor and such. You know, the important parts. But yeah, I want you to be safe.

Also, be there for my sister and our friends. I have seen the way you look at her sometimes. She has given you similar; who knows maybe something more could come of it. Just don't hate hate if you still hate me about the Anders thing (not that I blame you if you do). And look at for her, please. She's has lost so much and now I'm gone. She's going to need all the support she can get. Please help look out for her. Between you, Varric, and Aveline, I know she would be safe and known she is loved. That she is not alone. I just want her happy. Thanks.

I'm sorry, I'm dead. And I'm sorry for a lot of things. But I've always consider you my friend and family. Just be safe and don't do anything too reckless, ok. May the Maker bless and Andraste guide you and all that.

Your friend,

 _James Hawke_

 **AN: Thanks for reading, please review, Next and Last Chapter: Varric (I'm not doing Fenris because I don't like him and him and my Hawke weren't friends so yeah sorry)**


	8. Dear Varric

Var,

Here's to hoping you never have to read this or give these letters out. You know what happened and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to.

This is hard to write. Varric, you're my best friend. You were the first good thing to come out of Kirkwall. I'm really glad to have met you despite all the shit that has happened. After meeting you, we went on a crazy trip into the Deep Roads, almost died down there, almost lost Beth who would be dead without Anders and the Grey Wardens and really is my fault in the first place that she was down there. I really wish I didn't bring her sometimes. Maybe her life would be better; at least she is free and never had to go to the Circle. I'm really glad for that. Then we almost died again fight freaking Qunari because Isabela stole a freaking book. Who knew the Quarni care so much about reading. Also, who knew the city were going to call me the Champion after killing the Arishok. Maybe I should have done that earlier. Actually no I shouldn't have. I probably would have died. I almost died anyway. And then we have Anders blowing up the freaking Chantry. Like what the heck man. Yeah, I hate what's happening to Mages but maybe blowing up a freaking building was not the greatest idea. And we did nearly die because Orsino decided to freaking become some demon abomination thing. We were winning there was no need for that. And let's not forget Meredith and her craziness. Lets just say, it's a miracle that we ever survive Kirkwall. Actually it's a miracle that I survived as long as I did. We almost died getting to Kirkwall. And we all didn't make it. Stupid Ogre. Stupid Carver for charging it. Why Carver why? All I'm saying is I last longer than I expected. Not that I want to die.

Sorry for the rambling. I'm really sorry for dying. I'm sorry, Var. I love you. You're my best friend. You have been there for me ever since Kirkwall. Helping me hide and everything. Sorry you got kidnapped. And dragged across Thedas. Wish I was there to help. Maybe it would be different. Maybe I would have died earlier. In that case, maybe it was a good thing I wasn't. But yet it again I still die, just later so I guess it great that I got to live longer. Which is good, I guess. And I'm rambling again. You're a great friend. And I'm sorry for dying on you. I never meant to.

Look out for everyone like you always do. Keep an eye on Beth; this is going to be hard on her. She's the last Hawke left. Reminder her she is not alone. Same goes to you. Watch Merrill for me. Like you always did in Kirkwall. Don't let her be lost. In her grief and everything. You too. Be just be there for her. She's going to need it. Make sure nobody finds Anders. Because that would be bad. Well, it could be and let's just avoid that. Also, keep him and Sebastian away from each other. It would just be best for the both of them. Don't be so harsh on Bast too. He's not so bad, you know. And you might as well check on Isabela and Aveline; make sure they are doing alright. Also, let them help you too. They are there for you too. You're not alone. We all in this together. Like always. Even though I'm dead. It's not so bad. At least, hopefully. I have no idea. But let's just hope for a great party up there. Because that would be great and not boring. Thanks.

Thanks for being my friend. Thanks for looking out for all of us. Thanks for getting us on your crazy brother's expedition, despite the horrible stuff that did happened during it. Thanks for helping keep me hidden. Thanks for everything. Thanks for delivering these letters. Thanks for being my best friend. I love you. Take care. Know that you're not alone. Be safe. Well as safe as you can by the Inquisitor. Just take care.

Goodbye Varric. The best friend I ever had. Love you. Take care. I'm sorry.

Your best friend,

 _Hawke_

 **AN: Thanks for reading; this is the last chapter; please review**


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